I have not danced much this year at all. You know how it goes; you hurt yourself one day, spend the next few days/weeks/months recovering, and the longer it goes on the less motivation you have to keep your head high. Then life might as well throw you a couple of curveballs in the meantime to challenge you even more. It often goes like that, doesn’t it?
For a long time I was bitter at myself for falling off the bandwagon, despite knowing that the circumstances at the time being didn’t allow me to be involved in ballet as much as before. Every bit of anything ballet-related reminded me of how much I’ve fallen behind and how I could’ve been like if things were better, and consequently I avoided engaging in the ballet community and consuming ballet content. I had so much guilt over that because I thought, “how am I supposed to continue to open up the dialogue of recreational ballet and encourage others to start dancing when I’m not even setting a good example?” Even when I wanted to continue to participate in the IG community, I didn’t have quality content to share as I didn’t want to post “fluffs” purely for the sake of keeping up with social media nor was I in any way inspired to create visual content that meets my expectations, i.e click resources. gotta adhere to same aesthetic and flow (hey, I’m a designer and visual storyteller after all). I truly felt like I disappointed everyone who’s said to me how much I’ve inspired them in their own journeys and how much they enjoy the posts I share. I even began questioning my passion for ballet as I found myself spending more time in other interests (“am I really passionate about it or is it just another hobby I cycle through?”). It was a downward spiral to pessimism, that I knew for sure.
But I’ve been doing better (I’m even starting to take class again) because I was reminded by other fellow dancers that all of this is okay and I’ll get through it—this is a journey, not a perfect story.